After the Hurt Comes the Comfort
by Kristanci
Summary: Spoilers for Dragon Age 2.  Hawke is left to deal with the loss of her mother, and only Fenris is capable of comforting her.  One shot.  FHawke x Fenris with a hint of Anders x Bethany.


**Hi guys, I'm debating on how long to actually make this considering that there are many viewpoints I can write. This DOES contain spoilers though the timeline and relationships are a bit different than the main plot, but that's the point of fanfiction, no? This will be a one shot unless I am inspired to write the fic from a different POV. In any case, please enjoy.**

With deadly accuracy, Hawke's dagger easily implanted itself in the skull of the walking corpse. It fell, now void of the magic that was used to sustain its life. Bethany's horrified gasp made her forget to retrieve her weapon. She turned and saw her mother stumbling toward her like a misaligned puppet. "Mother…" she and Bethany ran to Leandra, capturing their mother in their trembling arms.

Hawke had never witnessed anything like it before. She forced her eyes to focus on her mother's pale face rather than on the sickening gash across her throat. "Mother, hold on. We'll get you help," Hawke said desperately. She looked to Bethany then to Anders. "Please, can either of you do anything?" With each second that passed by, she could feel her mother's life slipping away.

Bethany shook her head, bringing her hands to her face and beginning to weep. Anders knelt next to her and the sadness in his eyes gave her the answer she did not want to accept. "The magic that was keeping her alive is now gone, Hawke. I'm so sorry…" He respectfully moved away from her and Bethany, and it broke her heart that this would be the last time she would speak to her mother.

Bethany's tears flowed and she sobbed without shame. "We were too late. If we had only gotten here sooner-" Leandra weakly reached up and cupped Bethany's face with a hand that was not even her own.

"Shhh," their mother whispered. "I love you both so much. I could not ask for more loving children. Be strong…"

Hawke wiped the tears from her eyes and planted a kiss on her mother's cheek. Her chest felt so tight, and a rush of hatred, sadness, and abandonment hit her all at once. It should have stopped with Ninette, but she let the bastard get away. And now here was the price she had to pay for her incompetence. "I let you down."

Though she was quickly losing strength and her eyes were shut, Leandra smiled. "None of that from you. I am… happy… that I am with my children … love… you both… so very… much…" said Leandra with her last breath.

"Mother…" Hawke gasped. Leandra's body was still. "Mother!" she cried. She didn't know how long she cried. All she could feel were her tears running down her face and her body shaking uncontrollably. Her ears were filled with Bethany's sobs. Deep in her heart there was a great sadness, but at this exact moment, all she could feel was hatred. With a growl, she grabbed her second dagger and ran to the Quentin's corpse and plunged the dagger into his body. She pulled it out and stabbed it again with more force, more anger. She didn't give a damn where the blade impaled the body. All she wished for at the moment was that he was live, so that she could kill him again. The blood of the mage stained her armor and splattered over her face and hands, but she didn't care. She didn't know how many times she had stabbed the corpse before someone pulled her back. Hawke was blind with rage, and she fought against those powerful arms. It was only when those arms began to glow blue that she calmed down.

"It's over, Hawke…" said Fenris. His voice was calm and unwavering. "It's over," he repeated, this time with more sympathy.

Her breathing was ragged, and it took all of her will power to tear her eyes from the now destroyed corpse. She pushed the lyrium marked arms away from her and walked away. If she stayed, she would only lose more control and she did not want her friends caught in that particular storm.

XXXXXXXX

Hawke sat in silence, accepting her uncle's abusive accusations. "If only you had gotten there sooner! It's _your_ fault she's gone!" Gamlen took a couple of deep breaths and paced around the room. Hawke just continued to stare into the fire, resting her chin on her clasped hands. Nothing Gamlen said could make her feel even more worthless. "At least tell me that you killed the bastard," he spat.

"He won't be harming another soul, I've seen to it," Hawke said simply. She wasn't even sure what her uncle said after that. His words passed her by; she just focused on the void in her heart. Since her arrival at Kirkwall, death had followed her. She had taken lives before in order to save others, so seeing a dead body hardly fazed her. But to see her mother, her own flesh and blood die in her arms was unbearable. The stomps of Gamlen's retreating footsteps freed her from her trance. Seconds later, she heard the front door slam.

She finally leaned back, relaxing her aching muscles in her chair. Her whole body was tense and tired. The battle was both physically and mentally draining, and now she felt like an empty shell. So much had happened and she would be a liar if she said she never regretted coming to the Free Marches. Was it really worth it? She and Bethany had worked themselves to the bone just to provide the family with a "normal life". How is it that their mother became victim to a murdering blood mage? Hawke shook her head, staying her anger for the magic born. No, she knew better. Magic was not the killer. It was the insanity of a madman that robbed them of their mother.

"What am I to do without you?" Hawke asked sadly. She looked above the fireplace mantle to see her mother's bridal portrait. Bethany had wished that all who entered the study to see mother's beautiful face first. But every time Hawke looked at the portrait, flashes of her mother's pale and lifeless face haunted her. She closed her eyes, wishing the horrible images away, but they were burned into her memory. There was a light knock.

"Mistress Hawke?" Bodahn called nervously. "I am sorry to trouble you."

Hawke stood and turned to the older dwarf. He was such a kind man. He too, was greatly saddened by the news of Leandra's death, and that spoke volumes of the love and respect he had for her. "You are not troubling me, Bodahn. What is it?"

Bodahn stepped to the side, allowing someone to walk by him. "Ah yes, well, you have a visitor." Anders entered the room and for a moment, all Hawke could hear was the crackle of the fire.

"Thank you Bodahn," Hawke said. The dwarf staggered off, and if the circumstances were happier, Hawke would have thought his behavior was endearing. "Bethany is in her room, and she's quite a mess. I'm glad you're here to console her," she said to her comrade.

Weeks ago, she had teased her sister for constantly glancing over in Anders' direction when he was not aware of her gaze. Nothing had ever come of it until Hawke noticed that Anders behaved in the very same manner soon after. Although she did her best to allow things to happen naturally, Hawke gave in to her playful and sometimes childish side. She had asked Bethany to visit Anders to see if he had any special poultices that would soothe the burns on a Mabari's skin. Hawke made up a story that a gang of thugs had corned herself and Sparrow and their Mabari was injured during the bout.

True to her loving nature and loyalty to their Mabari, Bethany agreed, and she hurried to Darktown, not even reading the list of supplies that Hawke had given her. Of course, when Bethany had come back hours later, Bethany feigned anger with her sister's hoax. "Really, Hawke?" she asked, holding up the list for Hawke to see. "Desire essence? Lust roots? Yearning's Grace?"

Hawke gave Bethany a mischievous smile. "And? I suppose there are no complaints?"

Bethany tried her best to frown, but Hawke knew her sister could never stay mad at her for long. "Oh, you!" Bethany laughed and threw her arms around Hawke. "It was awkward at first when he saw the list, but we had a good laugh about it. I must tell you, we had a most wonderful time. I think… I think I'll start helping him in the clinic."

Hawke hugged her sister back, grateful that Bethany had found a reason to put a smile on her face. Fleeing templars day in and day out made Hawke believe that her sister had forgotten how to laugh and enjoy herself. "I'm glad. Just be careful."

Since then Bethany and Anders had shared a great deal of time together. He taught her the ways of healing magic and how to hone her abilities, and she was quite popular with caring for all the orphans and elderly of Darktown. It was quite endearing. Hawke only hoped that her meddling had helped two lonely hearts find solace in one another.

Today, she expected Anders to stop by the house sometime during the evening, and sure enough, here he was.

Anders didn't say anything at first; the look of sadness, regret and sympathy on his face was enough. When he wanted to be, he could be a man of few or many words. But she was grateful that he knew when to be one over the other. He walked up to her and hugged her tightly. "Nothing I say will ease the pain. And no spell can mend a broken heart, but I'm here for you as well. You're a true friend, and I won't abandon either of you."

Hawke pulled away and touched his cheek. "You're a good man, Anders. Let it never be said otherwise." She beckoned him to follow her out of the living quarters and up to the second level of her home. She approached a closed door, but she could hear Bethany's cries from within. "I worry for her. Feel free to stay for the night. You are the only one that can dry her tears," Hawke sighed.

She knew that her life would be tied to Anders as long as he carried love in his heart for her sister. And she could not have chosen a better half for Bethany. Perhaps, one day, her sister would be able to ease the pain and suffering in his heart. Time could only tell. "Thank you, Anders," she said. She gestured toward Bethany's door, indicating for him to hurry to her sister's side.

He nodded and silently opened the door. Once he was inside Bethany's bedroom, he shut the door behind him and Hawke could only wish that her sister would finally find happiness in the hours to come.

XXXXXXX

Hawke bid Bodahn and Sandal good night and retreated to her own bedroom. Her steps were heavy, and she could barely lift her head. How could she have failed her mother so? What was the point of training and fighting when the people closest to you died anyway?

She shed off pieces of her armor, not caring where they landed and slipped into a nightgown. Again, the flames in the fireplace caught her attention and she was caught in their spell once more. Her thoughts ran wild and they stabbed at her heart. Even with her armor off, she felt a weight on her shoulders that brought her to her knees.

Hawke buried her face in her hands. Now that she was within the confines of her room, she could weep openly and bitterly. Her room was the only sanctuary she had, and it was the only place where she could express how she truly felt. She couldn't fall to pieces in front of her friends, especially when they looked to her for guidance and leadership.

The tears came and fell upon her hands and to the floor. She had not cried like this since she was a child when Carver had destroyed her favorite toy sword. She had forgiven him, and while they were never as close as she would have liked, he was still her brother and she loved him dearly. The pain in her chest doubled when the memories of Carver strengthened the fact that he was no longer with her either. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed. The only relief she had was that no one could hear her pathetic apology. "Mother… Carver… I've failed you both."

Her breaths became short as she wept. She hugged herself and let the tears drench her nightgown. "Please forgive me," she gasped.

"You're a fool," said a low and dark voice.

Disoriented and confused, Hawke attempted to stand, but she fell on her side when her legs failed her. The fireplace provided little light in the room, but she could at least determine that the voice came from the dark corner by her window. She knew she was without a weapon, but she felt ambivalent to the matter.

A familiar figure stepped forward and she realized that the trespasser meant her no harm. "Fenris," she whispered.

He was such an enigma to her. From the first day they met, it was no secret that he held a deep-rooted hatred for mages, and yet he was still here. He helped her countless times and he fought along side her even when he expressed that he did not support some of her decisions. Hawke even remembered a time when he assisted Bethany as they were ambushed by a group of lowlife thugs. He blamed his actions on the fact that he would not want Bethany to use any last resort tactics in order to save her own life.

Hawke had argued that her sister would never resort to blood magic, but it was a dance that she and Fenris made many times. Over time, Hawke began to see more than the brooding, mage hating elf that Fenris allowed people to see. Eventually, she found a companion in him. He was always alone, left to fend for himself while others abused and harassed him. And he had no recollection of his past, so all he knew was hate, anger, and the greed that had been bestowed upon him while he was in Danarius' clutches.

Little by litte, Hawke began to break down Fenris' guard, seeing glimpses of a lost and stubborn man that only yearned for a fresh life that he could call his own. He had denied himself the basics of life: companionship and friendship for he believed in neither merely because he didn't know what they were. She wanted to show him. So she visited him weekly, bringing him food, wine and pleasant conversation. He was short with her at first, but a few glasses of wine always made him open up more. Soon after, he didn't need the wine at all.

They spoke freely and openly, and while they did not always agree, there was a level of respect between the two that Hawke held dear. He told her of his time in captivity, how he was beaten and ordered around, how others would mock him or fear him for the markings on his skin. She didn't pity him, for she believed that to express that emotion would only anger him. Instead, she promised him that if she ever crossed paths with a slaver, only one of them would be walking away from the fight. He smiled and thanked her, telling her that it was a rare opportunity indeed to talk to such a beautiful woman with so kind a heart.

It wasn't too surprising that Fenris would be the one to break into her room just to check on her. But she was just surprised that he was even here at all.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and face, pushing herself to her knees. "A fool," she said bitterly. She was in no way ready to verbally spar with him. She denied him eye contact and just stared at the floor. She rather it be Fenris than the others in their party to witness her in such a state.

She heard him coming closer to her, but she could also smell him. He smelled of the sea and sweet wine. In the times she had spent in the alienage and in Sundermount, she found that he was the only elf that had such a unique scent. It was strongest when he knelt next to her and pulled her body into his arms. She felt no metal when he ran his fingers through her hair. He was without his gauntlets and armor, but still he was strong and solid. At times, she had wondered what this would feel like in the back of her mind, she never entertained the idea further.

"You're a fool for believing that you are the reason for your mother's death," he said quietly. She tensed, preparing herself for a speech about the dangers of blood mages and how they must be eradicated. "Relax, Hawke," he soothed. "I'm not here for debate. I am here because I know, probably more than any of your comrades, that you should not be alone."

She melted against his body, grateful that he was willing to be a pillar of support for her. She had planned to endure the loss of her mother alone; she never sought out others to share any of her burdens. Though she found comfort knowing that Bethany would not have to suffer by herself, Hawke secretly hoped that someone would be by her side. She turned slightly, snuggling closer to him.

Fenris was surprisingly gentle and … loving? She had no idea he was capable of holding a woman much less know which caresses would relax her nerves. He continued to play with her hair and nuzzled his nose behind her ear. His voice was so close and it was intoxicating. "Where is the Hawke that I have come so accustomed to conversing with at odd hours of the night?"

"Hiding," she answered meekly. "I'm so tired, Fenris."

He cupped her cheek, bring her face closer to his. "The woman I remember is daring, loyal, pure, kind, and above all, she is strong. You have given me a gift I never would have thought possible. I will do everything in my power to ensure the Hawke from my memory, _my_ Hawke, will return."

Hawke was captivated by his eyes. They reminded her of green pastures. "I will be myself in no time," she said, but she failed to convince even herself.

The corner up his mouth turned upward. "Yes, well, while you will still be beautiful and stunning, I know that the healing of one's soul takes much longer than the recovery of the one's body." The tip of his nose was touching hers and Hawke found herself yearning for more of his touch. He made the pain go away and he eased her mind.

"I never knew you thought so highly of me," she said, tilting her head slightly.

"To be honest, I don't think there is much point to filling these moments with conversation," he said before kissing her completely.

He lifted her with ease, and kept their bodies connected. His kiss became more eager, and she was willing to respond to his touch. She loved the feel of his hair around her fingers and his chest against hers. Perhaps, the hunger between them was based on raw desire rather than emotion, but she would be a fool to turn him away. It was simple. She needed him and he needed her. Somehow, during the short walk to her bed, he had managed to strip her of her nightgown. He was indeed a man of many tricks and talents and she reveled at the thought of him showing her more.

Words did not need to be exchanged. They were both fueled by longing and want, both satisfied that the only ways of communication were through caresses, kisses, and gasps of pleasure.

Hawke had never felt so cherished, and she was glad that it was Fenris that was with her. There was so much to learn about him, but for now, she would enjoy the comfort he gave her. For the first time today, she felt wanted, needed… worthy. He made her feel like she was precious and he would take great care in protecting and comforting her. It was a feeling that she vowed she would never take for granted.


End file.
